Music festivals are a double edged sword. Sure they can be a showcase for the best and most progressive in style, but they can also bring out some of the worst trash outfits the fashion industry has to offer.
From cultural appropriation to just begging for heat stroke, here are nine terrible festival trends that need to be retired.
1. Feathered clothing
Who among us has not wanted to look like a goth Big Bird?
Honestly though, can you imagine how badly feathered clothing sheds? Nobody wants to be around a rapidly molting bird of prey while dancing.
And how do you wash these things? Do you risk tumble drying it and looking like you just murdered a muppet, or do you resign yourself to never washing the grime out?
2. Literally anything suede
There's nothing quite as uncomfortable as being stuck in a crowd of sweaty, dusty festival goers as you wait for the next set to go up. Now imagine that, but while slowly baking in a faux-suede bodysuit.
Granted, suede is pretty cute so if you're going to risk heat stroke, you might as well look good doing it.
3. Latex apparel
Sure, looking like a fashion forward oil spill is ideal, but why would you ever wear latex to a SUMMER event? The thing will just trap heat and sweat, dooming you to inevitably get stuck in its skintight grasp.
Alternatives to latex: literally any fabric that lets your skin actually breathe.
4. Headdresses
This is just gross — headdresses hold deep cultural significance in many Native American tribes. Aside from cheapening the significance of the headdress by mass-producing these knock-offs, the trend is also glosses over the violent oppression Native American people have faced.
As activist Adrienne Keene wrote in her viral 2010 blog post about the practice of donning headdresses at festivals, "By dismissing and minimizing the continued subordination and oppression of Natives in the U.S. by donning your headdress, you are contributing to the culture of power that continues the cycle today."
5. Let's just cancel all this cultural appropriation
Image: DOLLSKILL
First of all, really, Dollskill? It is the year 2018, and you're still selling something called the "fiery fortune" choker? Not only will you sweat straight through that satiny choker by end of the first set, but you'll also look like a culturally offensive fool in the process.
Capitalizing on cultural stereotypes has never been cute, but now that Google exists it's pretty much inexcusable.
6. The Matthew McConaghey
Justin Bieber's 2018 Coachella outfit really was something else. He paired a floral button-down shirt with matching floral pants and topped it off a belt bag slung across his bare chest. Like Matthew McConaughey, who seems to have given up on his public appearance altogether, Bieber has mastered the art of not giving a shit.
There are few fashion statements more subversive than looking like a hungover dad at a barbecue, so good for Bieber I guess. But if you're not ultra famous, best of luck pulling it off.
7. Jumpsuits
OK, hear me out. While jumpsuits are the ultimate form of comfort — you've got the elegance of a dress, but the security of pants — there is no greater struggle than shimmying out of a jumpsuit in a public porta potty.
You have to juggle squatting over the nasty seat while simultaneously holding up the jumpsuit's hem to keep it safe from whatever hell sludge is on the floor. Is the #ootd post really worth the trauma of dipping your jumpsuit in poop water?
8. Wearing other people
Please stop wearing other people during festivals.
Image: Getty Images
Look, I get that it's annoying to be at eye level with the rest of us commoners, but putting someone on your shoulders during a music festival is one of the rudest things you could possibly do. Nobody came here to get kicked in the face while your pal awkwardly sways atop your shoulders!
Please, just stop wearing other people at music festivals.
9. Absurdly tiny fanny packs
Let me be the first to say that the fanny pack comeback was the best thing to happy to fashion. Finally, women's apparel could make up for the tragic lack of pockets with a convenient, secure bag to hold your belongings!
But despite the fact that phones are getting bigger, these "belt bags" started getting smaller. How are you supposed to keep your wallet in one of these things, much less other festival essentials like sunscreen and snacks?
We still have a few more months of music festivals coming our way — whatever hellish outfits upcoming festivals spawn, they probably can't be worse than wearing skintight latex in the sweltering summer.
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