They’re called “fashion risks” for a reason— some of them just don’t work. Below are the six sartorial gambles from 2018 with the lowest pay-offs.
Tiny sunglasses
What is this — sun protection for ants? This year, it-girls from Rihanna to Gigi and Bella Hadid traded in their giant Jackie O. sunnies for shrunken-down specs. With hot designers such as Adam Selman and Stella McCartney leading the charge for itty-bitty shades, it’s no wonder the trend caught on with celebs.
But let’s be honest — even the most beautiful woman in the world (see: Priyanka Chopra) will look like the large-headed lovechild of John Lennon and a cartoon super villain in these miniscule sunglasses.
Loincloth bikinis
Tarzan, meet Jane’s painful bikini wax. The “tanga” bikini bottom from the 1980s — a ruched, adjustable drawstring style — got an updated name in 2018, as well as new lease on life thanks, most notably, to model, actress and swimsuit designer Emily Ratajkowski.
“Emily Ratajkwoski looks amazing in it, so I will, too!” thought no human woman ever. Seriously, who wants to walk the beach in a bathing suit that makes the “front wedgie” a thing? This trend is a wardrobe malfunction waiting to happen. Pass.
Dad sneakers
These shoes are made for… accounting. In 2018, chic starlets such as Kendall Jenner and Hailey Bieber were all about the “dad sneakers” — puffy, padded, oversized lace-ups that pushed spindly stilettos off the street-style map.
Sure, they look ridiculous. But with high-end pairs from designers including Gucci, Alexander McQueen and Balenciaga selling for $800 and up, the price you’ll pay for wearing them isn’t only your plummeting self-esteem. They’re inspired by pops, but that doesn’t mean he’ll take on your crippling credit card debt.
Scumbro style
This year brought us a new word —“scumbro” — to refer to a guy who regularly rocks oversized, flashy, often neon logowear, and then balances it out with messy hair and weird, cheap accessories (think Justin Bieber’s infamous white hotel slippers). The increasingly scuzzy Bieber is the look’s patron saint, along with scumbro disciples Diplo and Jonah Hill.
In other words, the streetwear-loving scumbro is a high-rolling hypebeast who also, somehow, always looks like crap. Next year, let’s banish him back to where he belongs: underground on the L-train.
Fanny packs
It sounds like a joke: fanny packs are back! But alas, the fanny’s return is no folly. Style stars including Cara Delevigne, Kate Bosworth and Sarah Jessica Parker have all been spotted in 80s-era waist-wallets, made by luxe designers such as Gucci, Louis Vuitton and Chanel.
Some adventurous men are sporting them too; rapper A$AP Rocky has been seen wearing a cross-slung version that attempts to make the old-school pack look even cooler by positioning it diagonally across the chest.
But these celebs are just fooling themselves. Neither flashy logos nor creative styling can redeem the always-funny fanny. Here’s an idea: let’s all agree to step away from bum belts, and save ourselves another round of future embarrassment?
Lampshading
Spring 2018 was simpler time: Ariana Grande and Pete Davidson were still together, and the petite pop-star had developed her signature style for the paps. She looked so adorable in her oversized sweatshirts and thigh-high boots, that for the briefest of moments, we all forgot to ask: Girl, where are your pants?!
Lampshading — the practice of pairing a giant top with tall, sleek boots — had a strong run this year, with Grande, as well Jennifer Lopez, Blake Lively, and others boldly attempting it. But it’s lights out for this Lolita-esque look, which requires that the wearer has the same approximate thigh-circumference as a middle-schooler. Do you know what perennial trend looks great on women of all ages, shapes and sizes? Pants.
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